I just pynch a tree in the face
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
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