She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
