Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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