Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
