She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
