At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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