so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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