how can u be prego again
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
they're like a gay fantastic four
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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