Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
