you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
