i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
