I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
