it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
