Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
