that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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