What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
3 2 1 whiskey
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
