I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
