I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
