Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
