I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I love you. Go after that dick
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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