i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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