So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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