cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
