I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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