shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
