I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
