White coat. Heels.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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