Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
then he tried to convert me to islam
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize