he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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