i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
