ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
