Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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