i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
