I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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