come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
