i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize