i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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