you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
