if you like me you must not know who I am
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
