but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
