All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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