I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
