I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
