Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
