How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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