he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
