If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
