Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
