i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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