just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
