So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
