I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
