It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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