this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
