i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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