do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
