I think my fart just growled at me.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
