I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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