Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
