Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
