Got a toothbrush?
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
