It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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