She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
