i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
