Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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