I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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