You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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