i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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