Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize