Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
