How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
