your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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