I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
