Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize