I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
