Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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