somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
bring money and cleavage
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
