she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
