Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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