I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
