Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i think i just lost a toe
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize