So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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