shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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