alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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