I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
