Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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