Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
