So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
