I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Is it penis luge time yet?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize