i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i've created a new STD.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
