Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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