I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
