And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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