Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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